Bothering Joshua
by monkeybait
Summary: Poor Neku. Joshua bothers him, and he can't even bother him back! There's just nothing that annoys him! Well... there is one thing...


It was just another day in the Game for Neku and Joshua. You just lost the game.

"The way these 'magic clothes' work are really weird," Neku said as he tripped out of yet another store. "I mean, how are high heels supposed to _stop_ us from falling over?"

"Goodness, Neku," Joshua answered in his usual sly tone, "you act as if you've never worn women's shoes before."

"Ignoring that," Neku snapped. After a few days of traveling with Joshua, he found that it was best not to encourage him. "We desperately need some new duds. This just feels morally wrong."

"If you insist. How about over there?" Joshua pointed over to a Goth-Lolita store where frilly black and purple dresses awaited them in the display window. A neon pink sign lit on top: Lapin Angelique.

Neku jumped backward a good fifteen feet.

"That was impressive," Joshua mused.

"We. Are. Not. Going. In," Neku stated, shaking his head rapidly. "Shiki dragged me in there last week and it was… so…" He shuddered. "There's a girl in there who thinks she's the princess of this bunny kingdom - I don't know - and she makes you try on all sorts of weird things… Hoodies with bunny ears, fuzzy slippers, jackets with faux fur on the hood… I've never felt so at touch with my feminine side…"

"Sounds like a swell time," his partner responded cheerily.

"Says you, Mr. Bowling Shirt," Neku growled in response. "I'm no fashionista, and I still know more than you about what's popular. Who'd you borrow your other shoes from? Your grandma?"

"They're very comfortable," Joshua said simply, hardly intimidated. "Now I'm going in the store. You shouldn't be so concerned with self image. Clothes may make the man, but if this sun hat is going to boost my strength than I'm all for it."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just gonna help myself to the masculinity that you clearly dropped somewhere," Neku muttered sarcastically, but the bell on the door dinged, and Joshua had gone in.

"_Well, nothing can save him now that he's in Lolita Land,"_ Neku thought. _"It's up to me to keep this video game desirable for both genders."_

Neku looked inside the window. The shop owner was cheerfully greeting Joshua inside, who smiled in response. She couldn't see Neku loitering outside, so Neku was completely conspicuous in his spying, nose pressed against the glass. Joshua's lack of manness made for an interesting topic of speculation, especially since the two's connections to the rest of Shibuya was practically null.

But then - Then it got very interesting. The girl who owned the store, who seemed that she was more prepared for a funeral than she was to serve customers, said something to Joshua that completely changed his facial expression. His chin lowered, his eyebrows slouched, and his forehead bunched.

Neku's mouth widened. Was Joshua actually ticked off about something? The most three C's person he'd ever met? It was unfathomable.

"I have to see this," Neku decided, and he too went inside.

"Hello! Welcome to Lapin Angelique!" the store owner said merrily.

"Hi-" Neku started, but was immediately cut-off.

"Neku!" Joshua started, then seemed unsure of where to go with it.

"'Sup?" Neku asked, hardly able to contain his curiosity.

Joshua's eyes darkened and he jammed his index finger at the shopkeeper. "Tell her… Tell this 'Princess K'_… _That my hair… Does _not_ look like a sheep!"

Neku blinked. What?

"It does," Princess K said with a fangirlish squeal. "It looks like one of those really rare, über-adorable Wullie-Bull wool wigs from my favorite anime, 'Shoujo Spectacular: Ultra-Cute LOLita Showdown III: the Rabbity Bun-Bons versus the Rammy-Lambies'!"

At first Neku was rendered speechless by the unbelievable length of the TV show title, not to mention the fact that it for some reason contained more than one colon. Then he looked at Joshua and was even more at a loss of what to says. Neku had never see him look so disgruntled, so annoyed. It was as if he had heard this comment a thousand times over.

"Tell her, Neku!" he grunted again, voice thick with contained rage.

Neku was about to shrug and say he didn't want to be a part of it, his usual response. But then he changed his mind. For that, he totally changed character.

"Well~!" he began in a sing-song way, folding his hands under his chin innocently.

"Neku!" Joshua shouted in shock. He had expected Neku to side with him. But today, Neku sought revenge. There were hardly any chances to bother Joshua, who meanwhile constantly plagued the poor emo with questions he would rather not answer yet was somehow forced into. Now that the first layer of sanity had been shed, he wanted to see how far he could push Joshua before he broke.

"Back me up here," Joshua grumbled, elbowing Neku in the ribs.

Instead, Neku nodded avidly. "I totally agree! It looks just like one of those, uh, Wool-Bullie-"

"Wullie-Bull!"

"Whatever," Neku temporarily returned to normal, but then shifted his voice back up the octave. "Anyway, it looks _just_ like that! You're right! Joshua, I bet we'd get a lot of money if you sold your _wig_ to Princess K here."

Joshua was frozen in surprise. Then he remembered he was upset.

"Fine then," he snarled, obviously trying to maintain his cool. "I'll just ignore you, since you clearly are both insecure about your own appearances and are taking it out on me."

K and Neku gave each other a side glance. He was completely off the mark.

"Well, I just have one thing to say: I'm rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you." With that, Joshua spun around on his heel and continued to peruse the store.

Princess K folded her arms. "Ya know, he can walk the walk, but he can't talk the talk-"

"No, no he can't," Neku agreed quickly. _"He can flipping walk the walk in high heels. But he sounds like he learned how to be defensive from a hiptionary."_

Joshua was not a self-conscious person. He didn't usually care what people thought about his appearance. But when it came to his hair, there was a certain criteria to follow when commenting on it: it wasn't a wig and most definitely wasn't a sheep of any kind. It was his real hair. He liked it how it was, poofy and silver and soft and completely different from a hairstyle any self-respecting teenager would have. Well, Joshua did have plenty of self-respect. But it was less as a teenager and more as a supreme god. A supreme god whom very much dislikes being compared to lowly farm animals.

"Hey! I found something I think will suit you!" Neku announced excitedly, holding whatever it was behind his back.

Joshua lowered his eyes. "Let me guess: that bunny hoodie? Because I actually liked-"

"Guess again!" he beamed. Then he pulled out… a cowbell attached to a rope.

Joshua's left eye twitched.

"I think it's perfect, don't you?" Neku beamed. "Here I'll put it on for you-"

Neku was about to but Joshua very forcefully grabbed his wrists at the last second.

"Easy, man… My hands are turning blue…" Neku gulped, feeling the blood pulse harder and harder as it tried to reach the fingers.

"Try that again and the hands come off," he uttered in a voice that was deep, dark and sinister. He let Neku's oxygen-needy hands drop before walking away.

"_Well, I guess even he has a limit,"_ Neku observed, rubbing the coloration out of his palms. _"That was pretty hilarious though. I'd try it again, but I kind of enjoy my opposable thumbs."_

"We're ready to go," Joshua shot at Princess K.

"Can I get you any bags?" she asked with a timid smile.

"We are not buying anything today. Come along, Neku." Joshua spat 'Neku' as if it were an unspeakable evil and not the name of emotistical partner.

As they both left, Neku grinned obnoxiously.

"See? I told you that you didn't want to go in there," he laughed.

Joshua said nothing.

"Princess K is weird, isn't she? Look, I'm not going to miss any chances to make you mad, so don't hand them to me like that. Maybe now you'll think about trying to get back at me with all those weird questions." Neku put his hands (hands he had a new respect for, now that they had been threatened) behind his head and had a good chuckle.

Joshua petted his hair delicately.

Neku blinked. "Uh, you chill?"

Joshua turned to him smugly. "Why, Neku, I didn't think you cared."

"Dude. Don't get the wrong idea," Neku snapped. "At the end of these seven days, I don't give a flying flapdoodle about what happens to you. But while we're in the Game, you need to work hard. Or I die. Which I would hate."

"Then, yes, I am chill," Joshua answered. "Manhole."

"Beg your pardon?"

"Manhole."

"Are you trying to insult- AAAGH!" Neku fell face first into an open sewer. He clambered out a few hilariously tense moments later.

"What say you, clever clogs?" Joshua smirked. "Or shall we say clever women's high heels?"

"I hate you."

"Pity. Hate is such a strong word."

"Apparently so is sheep."

"…"

"Don't hurt me, please."

"Only if you grovel."

"What?! Grovel?! Like heck I'm bowing to anyone who washes their hair in Woolite-"

"That's it! Off with your hands!"

"Gaah! Joshua _can_ be angry!"

"Darn right I can! Now get back here!"

"No!"

So in the end, Neku kept his hands and Joshua kept his dignity. Somewhat. That is with the dignity. Neku has the entirety of both hands. Just to clear that up. THE END.

**According to my dictionary, 'flapdoodle' is slang for 'nonsense'. It's pretty much the coolest slang word there is. I encourage you all to use it.**


End file.
